Douchiest Guy in Games
Who’s the rudest guy in classic games? Some might argue Donkey Kong, stealing chicks and throwing barrels at our faithful hero. Some might say Q*Bert, with his dirty little nubbin’ of a mouth. And still others might say Bowser, the representation of video game villainy. Well, those guys are all wrong. Seriously. Without a doubt, the rudest guy in classic games? Pac-Man.
Pac-Man’s an asshole. There, I said it.
Look, I get that we’re supposed to see ghosts as the bad guys, and since we’re controlling the pizza pie, we’re supposed to assume he’s the hero, but think about it for a second. You’re sitting around, with 4 of your buddies, in your nice little square place, when you hear this weird Wakka Wakka sound. So you go out and have a peek at what the hell that could be. When you look, there’s some douche running around trashing your neighborhood, eating all your stuff, and making a hell of a lot of noise. Wouldn’t you be a little upset? Then, to top it off, the guy goes and eats you. What a dick! Now you’re sitting there (or rolling, since you’re just a pair of eyes) waiting for a body to form so you can head out and get that bastard.
The True Face of the Pac
And for the majority of us who are gamers, the entire series just hammers home the point that we all knew but didn’t want to face. Pac-Man’s a douche – fact. He hooks up with a fine young thang who’s also kind of a douche – fact. The two of them spawn another little douche – fact. So what’s the lesson? Fortune favors the toolbags of the world. Be a jerk and you get a wife and child and have a prosperous life, eating all the fruit you can handle. All a ghost is trying to do is get by in this maze of a world and the big mouthed glutton has to ruin things.
Pac-Man, get bent.
Have a suggestion for the douchiest guy (or girl, or object) in games? Reply to this post. Maybe your choice will be next week’s “Douchiest Guy in Games”.
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