Homestyle Flashback: Knight Rider

Let’s face it - 80s nostalgia is at a fever-pitch. Anything that was remotely popular in the 80s is getting a release on DVD or a reimagining/update movie or TV series. Look no further than the success of Transformers and the impending release of GI Joe for evidence of that on the big screen. These adaptations often fail when it comes to rekindling why people loved them to begin with, which brings me to the Knight Rider TV series currently airing. Has anyone seen this thing? Talk about ‘ouch.’ But that got me reminiscing about the original series and its inevitable game adaptation, Knight Rider for the NES.

The first thing I noticed when I popped this baby in wasn’t the gross color palette or the cheesy power slide by KITT, but the total absence of the signature theme. Seriously. Aside from having a car that jumps and that sounds like this guy:

…that theme song is key. And given that the most speech you’re going to crank out of an NES is “Double Dribble,” you’re left with 2 of the 3. Taking away the theme song is like taking the snaps away from the Addams. Strike one.

So the game tries to have some semblance of a plot by having Devon show up and give you missions. No matter what the mission is, however, there’s really only one way to complete it - you drive down the road, shooting red cars, dodging blue cars, and then maybe fighting a helicopter or a truck at the end. Every…mission. Sure, the backgrounds change, but it’s pretty much the same thing every time. Oh…spoiler alert, I guess. Then some chick lets you upgrade KITT, boosting his shields, gas, engine, missles, or rockets. All of these seemed pretty unnecessary, except for the gas.

Now, before I get into the game mechanics, let me talk about the display:

Seriously, this is the busiest HUD I’ve ever seen. We’ve got time, points, “s”, which I guess stands for shield, the flashing light of KITT going vertically, the flashing KITT light going horizontally, speed, health, a mini map that shows enemies and also shows the direction the road is going to turn, weapons status, a fuel gauge, not to mention a bunch of other extraneous crap just to justify having HALF THE DAMNED SCREEN be the car’s dash. I get that the idea is to make the player feel like they’re driving KITT, but if that’s the case, why not just put a steering wheel there?! That dashboard looks like something Jackson Pollock did

Now, this next comment has to do with my own gaming preference, but I can hardly be held at fault for this one. When I play a driving game, I kinda take for granted that there’s an acceleration button, usually mapped, in the case of the NES, to the A button. Does Knight Rider follow that trend? Of course not. This game bucks the trend by making “up” the accelerator. This is so that KITT retains his trademark function - no, not smarmy British humor, but jumping. Also, the other button gives him machine gun ammo, which is apparently his other trademark feature. Yes, KITT is a member of the NRA.

While you’re zooming down the road, you might want to glance over at your radar, which never really helped me much, but might serve some purpose for you, reader. Every car on the road appears as a red blip on the radar, which initially made me think that I was supposed to destroy everything on the road. In fact, some of the blips on the radar aren’t even on the road, which just totally confused me. It wasn’t until I realized that my timer went down after shooting the blue cars did I realize that that probably wasn’t a smart move on my part.

Yes…there’s a timer, but if that isn’t bad enough, there’s also a gas gauge, and if that’s not bad enough, you also have a shield. This game gives you three different ways to lose, in case you thought you might have a decent chance. In fact, there were a few times when I tried to just haul ass through the level and found my tank hitting E just before the end of the stage (or what I presumed was the end, because I’d been running through the level for what felt like forever).

After you beat a level, Devon gives you another mission and you get to increase a stat. That’s all well and good until you realize there are more levels than stat slots. Once you max out all the stats and try to play the last level, you get this:

THE BLOODY GAME BREAKS!! At this point, I totally facepalmed. I just played through an incredibly bland driving title and didn’t even get the satisfaction of beating it. Fortunately, thanks to the wonders of the internet, I found that I can access the ending with a little cheat, at which point, I find out that the ending is nothing but typed text. So, let’s get this straight, you’ve got character faces that you’ve been using all game, but when you get to the end, we don’t even get to see them? Wow….lame doesn’t even begin to describe it.

Imagine if you’re watching Die Hard, you’re sitting with McClane as he battles terrorists and kills bad guys. Totally tense, action packed, and you’re waiting for the epic final showdown. Just before you get to the end, however, you get a window that pops up that says:

“McClane says Yippy Ki Yay and then kills the villain. Then he leaves the building. Also, he sees his wife. Carl Winslow kills somebody. Roll credits.”

Knight Rider was the peak of 80s action - smart-ass machinery was all the rage back then, but this game does nothing to service the fans. I suppose, at the end of the day though, it’s not this thing, which is supposed to be the new series:

Knight Rider…fights…mechs….

Technorati Tags: 80s, Feeny, KITT, Knight Rider, NES

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